Couples Counseling… For some, this may send shivers down your spine. For others, it may be something that you secretly yearn for but that your spouse may completely dismiss. The fact of the matter is that a lot of times, it takes an outsider’s perspective to help give you insight into the details of your marriage.
Communication, trust, feelings of betrayal, an affair, children, income, your job, the list goes on and on. What a lot of people don’t know is that on average, it takes couples about six years to finally seek the professional help they need to understand themselves and their marriage.
Six years is a long time to get stuck in negative and hurtful patterns. It takes a long time for a marriage to come to a breaking point. It is not finances alone, children alone, communication alone, etc. It has way more to do with the smaller things; the nuances, the subtleties of affection, and speaking in a love language that represents not yourself, but your spouse.
Trust is not built solely on “just being able to know that you will provide” or “that you will remain faithful”. Trust is taking time to be present, to be able to comfort in a way that your spouse needs to be comforted. It takes being vulnerable, and asking for what you need from a vulnerable standpoint instead of from anger or resentment.
Seeking professional help for your marriage may enlighten you to your own patterns of behavior, your own misgivings, and to be able to step back and look at the relationship from a different point of view. From this new point of you, you may realize that you and your spouse are both the perpetrators and the victims of your own negative cycle, and that change is needed to be able to create positive bonding experiences which help foster a much more self-aware and effective cycle.
If you are in a marriage that is going in circles, or worse yet- spiraling downward, it may not be the end for you. Contact me for guidance and a positive direction for change.
Katie Porter, M.A., LPC 832-298-6356